I had a pang of pride as I noticed that Utah was mentioned on my tied for first favorite blog. Unfortunately it was in connection with the theft of Dave Zabriskie's home while he was at Tour of California. While one of his (passenger) vehicles was recovered, the items that have the real value are still missing--including the 12 bikes. One of the stolen bikes was DZ's Olympic time trial bike. WTF?
Let this be a call to arms to all Utah cyclists, be you fixters, roadies, dirtbag mountain bikers or commuters--NOW IS THE TIME FOR VIGILANTE JUSTICE!
I personally have a few places I will start policing (and vigilante strategies I plan to use).
#1 Liberty Park
I'm almost certain I'll see one of DZ's bikes pulling some hot laps in Liberty Park. The 1.5 mile paved road is a favorite "race course" for most local non-racer racers. When you see someone speedwobbling around Libs, don't call the police, see if you can recruit some kids from the playground to pull that surefire Team Cinzano move that worked so well in Breaking Away. Once the perp has been removed from the speed machine, have the kids do a massive, continual steamroller on the offender until reinforcements arrive.
#2 City Creek Canyon
This is where I think we'll find the TT bike. The guy I see hammering on his hard rock equivalent with the seat at BMX seat height wearing crack showing jeans, a hooded sweatshirt and no helmet is a likely candidate. He doesn't seem like the thieving type, he's more likely to have traded some NASCAR paraphernalia for it at a local pawnshop. I'm not totally sure what my strategy would be since I might be partially to blame. Specifically, this TT diamond in the rough HAMMERED by the hubs and I at the bottom of City Creek when we were stopped at the bathrooms last Saturday. When we started pedaling a few minutes later, we expected to pass him pretty quick. We didn't pass him till we were pretty close to the top and I told him he was an animal and if he had a better bike he would be off the hook fast. So maybe he took my words to heart. So I don't think the Liberty Park strategy is the most sound way to go. I might try to reason with him--or--if he was under 23 I'd tell him to demand a contract from one of the pro teams.
#3 State Liquor Store on 4th South (the one near Pioneer Park)
The bike would probably be locked up outside, retrofitted with a milk crate to carry the rider's purchases. This would probably be the easiest to recover. You would try to convince some of the off-duty exotic dancers or ladies of the night that sometimes shop here to create a distraction while you absconded with the bike. Suggested reward to your assistants: podium girl job at next year's ToC.
#4 Locked outside Coffee Garden
This one will be tougher to spot because you'll have to look for it in between all the parked doggies and it will have been converted to a fixed gear. As with the City Creek TT specialist, the poor soul is likely to have been duped in an illegal sale. Suggested reward: Some Carrera team circa 1996 shorts-converted to full length tights. The look of tight jeans WITH a shammy!
In any case, keep your eyes peeled and your vigilante skills honed. Theft is lame, bike theft is unforgivable.
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